Forgive our sloth of late. We were just brushing up on the
Messinian Salinity Crisis. Not to worry - turns out the whole damn thing happened a long time ago.
CHAPTER TWO
In the pleasant confines of Cambridge, Jack's development continued apace. Without records to prove such, it is left to the biographer to assume that he grew and developed like a normal human baby - limbs expanding, appetite increasing, hair developing. Above all, we can assume that he showed an especial interest in the acquisition of speech.
It's tempting to interpret backwards - to imagine our baby Jack as simply a smaller and shriller facsimile of the grown Jack, the relationship being akin to that of the Muppet Babies to the Muppets. So we imagine him swilling milk in ill-lit baby bars and shouting and demanding video entertainments. But it seems unlikely that this was the case, as the formative stages of a man's life are what truly makes his character. That's why they're called formative, dicks.
I lower my quill to go get a Snickers ice cream treat.
As the new year breaks, we of course see it as a time of self-improvement. And so, with charming earnestness, declare the following goals for '05.
1) COMPLETE THE BIOGRAPHY OF JACK
A project long overdue. This will not, despite what critics claim, be merely a recital of facts. It will be a careful, scholarly examination of the writing and life of Jack, through what scraps are extant, and a piercing look at where the twain meet.
2) RESIST THE TEMPTATION FOR AD HOMINEM
Those who commit themselves to the project of criticial examination of one writer cannot but be troubled by his shortcomings. But we hope, earnestly, to keep ourselves restrained, and not to heap indignity upon Jack every time his prose is repetitive or his word-choices foolish. Lord knows, that would keep us damned busy.
